First about Cris T. The surgery went well, she was only in the hospital for three days, and she is now in rehab. When she goes home remains to be determined. I know what that is like.

After my surgery two years ago, eventually I began to feel better and then came the challenge of taking the full amount of time to truly recover. I tend to be impatient as a patient, however, and thus the temptation of being strong.

While my situation was not identical with Paul's, I found myself in this passage which he penned:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Corinthians 12:9; ESV).

The Challenge of Being Strong

The challenge of being strong
Comes at each all life long,
Comes as a tempter,
Comes as a gift,
Comes and coils itself around a life until
There is no life left,
Comes portraying itself as sovereignly desirable,
Comes costing all while leaving ashes,
Comes costing and destroying and comes
Guileful
Bashful
Witty
Deadly,
The challenge of being strong.

First, a prayer request, if you read this. Pray for Cris T. who broke her hip and is scheduled for surgery today. After the surgery, she'll be in hospital for a week or so, then in a rehabilitation residence, if I understood correctly, before being able to go home.

My surgery was planned weeks in advance but this came about under different circumstances.

After my surgery, which did take place as scheduled because that was God's will, came the time of recovery. I did not respond well to not being well, as the following entries illustrate.

[1]
It's hard to be this weak, this needy, this depepndent,
When I'm so used to
Making Garry's lunch and cleaning up after meals,
Doing laundry and ironing,
Dusting and vacuuming,
Moving things around,
It's hard to ask for help.

I wish I could go away until I'm strong
Until I am healed
Until I am not a burden
Until I am not needy

I wish I could go away
Not burden Garry day after day with my weaknesses

I wish I could

I wish I could
Not be a drag
Not wear him down but huild him up

It's hard to be this weak, this needy, this dependent,
So easily exhausted,
Looking so well when I'm not

It's hard

[2]
Alone, I can cry,
But otherwise must put a bold face on,
A face of mask;
Do not ask which face I show to you;
Knowing will not do;
Alone, I can cry;
God alone knows why.
God alone my comfort is,
God alone my strength,
God alone, before whom alone
I can cry.

Comfort Food

God's promises will not fail, even if we become impatient.

Habakkuk 2:2-3
"And the LORD answered me: 'Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For the still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end--it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.'"

Two years ago this was not the 16th but the 18th and I had major surgery that Tuesday. God chose to make it uneventful and my recovery likewise, but I did not know that when I wrote this.

I had to take care to not be sick but well enough to have the operation.

I depended then as now on the sovereignty of God. Proverbs 16:9 puts it this way: "The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps."

When and What

What I've done and what I wish to do
Are things I need to think through;
Lists made need checking off,
Prayers to not catch a cough,
Thoughts followed fully through,
Those are things I want to do.

Multi-tasking can work, depending on the tasks, but, in my experience, can cause work to come to a screaming [by me] halt. Then I need to reconsider and reprioritize.

ONE THING

One thing at a time--
Cause for reason and for rhyme--
Calls for order and for pace,
Calls for discipline and grace,
Calls for time to get it right,
Calls for making choices
Calls for sticking to a list
Calls go unanswered and they bring
Order with joy and each such thing--
One thing at a time.

Complete the task now at hand
And you will feel forever grand;
Relief and joy and rest will follow
And you won't feel that kind of hollow
That comes from all directions and none
Complete one thing--do it till it's done.

Do you ever find yourself unable to make a move in any direction? I know that I do, that I have, that I probably will again. But I don't want to be stuck that way by facing in the wrong direction.

No One Can Make Any Forward Progress by Looking Back all of the Time

If you walk, or attempt to walk, forward while your attention is toward where you were, rather than where you are headed,
You will encounter more obstacles by not noticing them,
Which you would have been able to to had your attention been forward rather than backward.

Second-guessing and dwelling in yesterday is something not advised by Scripture.

Ecclesiastes 7:10 contains this command: Say not, "Why were the former days better than these?" For it is not from wisdom that you ask this.

Yes, we can learn from our mistakes; we have to learn from them, not ignore them. But Paul wrote in Philippians 3:12-16: Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

We are to forget both the good and the bad and the ugly, not make our home there.

We can't go forward unless we are facing in that direction.

Yes, sometimes--perhaps often--we have to face up to bad choices we made--choices we may not have seen the consequences of--but once we have repented and received forgiveness, we must go on from there.

At a class on organization, one point clearly made was that we need to plan ahead. Set goals. No one can plan ahead of they insist on looking back, wallowing in regrets, etc. God calls us to learn from our mistakes--even from our sins--and move on from them--forward.

Sometimes forward will mean drawing up a variety of plans, depending on how God has things worked out for us.

Sometimes choices in the past will cancel out options, at least for a while. So? God is still and always sovereign in that also. His will for his children will never be thwarted.

Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Romans 8:26-28: Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.