POSITIVE NEGATIVESOn page 115 of his book ANXIETY ATTACKED, John MacArthur writes, "Contententment is a by-product of distress. It comes when you experience the sustaining power of Christ when you simply have run out of steam: 'To him who lacks might He increases power.' (Isaiah 40:29). We do well to experience enough difficulty in our lives to see Christ's power on display in us."
23 May 1993 journal entry
Short list of positive negatives: no house [no mortgage]; no kids [to uproot]; little debt.
22 July 1993 journal entry
Garry is on the phone to someone out west about work. . . . He's much more relaxed than he was a week ago.
26 July 1993 journal entry
It's still a challenge to think (realize) that five weeks from tomorrow is G's last day as a full time employee of Moody Press, or that it's 18 weeks since he learned it would be at or by the end of 1993. It'll be "by" rather than "at." I'm thankful for all that is known. And not. I'd rather move to Colorado Springs than to the L.A. area if we move west.
EXPANSION
Sometimes God may deny us what we most want in order to give us what we most need.
Garry and I had discussed options we might explore once he had put in his twenty years, and plans we would need to make in the intervening years. At that time, I was working part-time and he had been with his then-employer more than fifteen years--almost sixteen.
Those anticipated years proved to be months.
The day before our fourth wedding anniversary, Garry told me changes were under way which including phasing out his department by year's end. "Department" meant his position. No, no place else for him in the organization. Sorry, but.
Less than a month after Garry cleaned out his desk, my father died unexpectedly. For a long time, he had encouraged us to strike out on our own, to start a business of our own. Now that we were going to, before we could tell him that, he was gone.
Running our own business did not work out as we had hoped it would, but we did not know what else to do, or what possible dividends would might come later as a consequence of the contacts made or strenthened.
We ended up living with friends from our then-church for several months. (That is a story in itself. While we were wondering if we should ask them, they were wondering what help they might offer. It worked out as only God could cause it to. We joined their family on the weekend of our fifth wedding anniversary.)
Just when we reached the end of options we could think of, knowing we could not stay with our friends much longer, Garry was offered a position which could not have been more suitable. It did not come "out of the blue"; he had been making phone calls to everyone he knew who might either know of some work or have some to offer. We did not just say, ok God, here we are, take care of us.
However, the job was in California--Southern California. Near Los Angeles.
We lived in the midwest. Our roots went deep there: our families, our church, our lives. Never had the possibility of moving to California entered into any calculation I had made.
Yet, here we are, and gratefully.
What do positive negatives have to do with this story?
Not buying a house, as we were advised to do when we first married, meant not having to deal with that when things changed.
Not having let credit purchases get out of hand meant having credit to draw on. Garry plans and saves rather than acting impulsively. Being fiscally conservative has proved to be a blessing. That has not meant we've had no lean times, just no importunate creditors adding to the mix.
Not having children also meant being more flexible. Not that children were not wnted, but they too were not in God's design for us.
I have not "arrived" but I am aware that being denied what I had expected or wanted does not mean having been denied what I have most needed--and that I never will be denied what I most need.
On anxiety
Psalm 94:19: "When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Your consolations delight my soul."
Psalm 139:23,24: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me; and lead me in the everlasting way."
Anxiety or being anxious
Strangle; choke
What wonderfully accurate synonyms those are!
When I am anxious, I am choked [by fear];
Strangled I cannot think clearly--
Of course not, being unable to breathe!
The Proverb is so true:
Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down.
Emotion plus Exhaustion equals A Lack of Clarity
Emotion plus exhaustion equals a lack of clarity
And a paucity of verity
Leads to vulnerability
As emotion swirls cyclonic
Plus exhaustion equals second guesses not tonic
Too little clarity
Too little verity
Too much vulnerability
Every Idle Word
Every idle or careless word,
Whether spoken or unheard,
God knows and will judge,
Accurately--no place to fudge.
Every word thrown out unthinking
Will with recklessness be sinking
For God keeps track as is His right
And the time will come when from His height
He will call me to account--
And oh my wrong words, how they mount!
Words I've even only thought
Will weigh as if fully wrought
As my wickedness is in full light
God my judge will be in right
To punish me for each I've used,
For every word I've abused.
How wretched now I see why
Even these caused Christ to die.
God will forgive--but will He forget?
Every idle word its day will get
When I have to face, answer, admit
This word and that which did not fit
This word and that in anger spoken
This word and that which His law have broken.
How can I escape the righteous penalty prescribed?
Repent, repent, and in Him hide.
Passages from other years past:
Psalm 138:8 is so apt!: "The LORD will accomplish what concerns me; Thy lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting. Do not forsake the works of Thy hands."
Again picked up Jerry Bridge's book TRUSTING GOD. Several passages from pages 150-151 and 159-168, and this on page 169: "The initiave is with the shepherd.... God sovereignly guides our lives, so that we do indeed live out in our daily experiences all the days ordained for us."
I still major too much in the small things and in how I think they ought to be. Context: Horatius Bonar excerpt used for November 7 in 1993 Moody Press devotional book THEY WALKED WITH GOD.
Then, too, over the last weekend, which of course was a holiday, one of the glass pation/balcony doors from our bedroom to the balcony inexplicably shattered, in slow motion, Sunday afternoon.
What does that have to do with this past week?
Even in this, God is sovereign, controlling all things at all times in all places.
We opt to respond with rejoicing, numbering the blessings: no one was hurt; we were home rather than away on vacation; it happened while still light outside; we were able to reach the office to inform them of the situation; a maintenance man came; and replacement will be made in good time.
Psalm 4:8 applies: "In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for Thou alone, O LORD, dost make me to dwell in safety."
Labels: Anxiety, Positive Negatives, Trust
