I wrote this a long time ago and pass it on as a witness, for God has been good in these 16+ years we've been in California, in our affiliations with Grace to You, Grace Community Church, et al.

POSITIVE NEGATIVES

On page 115 of his book, Anxiety Attacked, John MacArthur writes, "Contentment is a by-product of distress.  It comes about when you experience the sustaining power of Christ when you have simply run out of steam: 'To him who lacks might He increases power' (Isaiaih 40:29).  We do well to experience enough difficulty in our lives to see Christ's power on display in us."

Journal entries:

23 May 1993
Short list of positive negatives:
no house (no mortgage)
no kids (to uproot)
Little debt

22 July 1993
Garry is on the phone to someone out west about work....  He's much more relaxed than he was a week ago.

26 July 1993
It's still a challenge to think (realize) that five weeks from tomorrow is G's last day as a full time employee of MPress, or that it's 18 weeks since he learned that it would be at or by the end of 1993.  It'll be "by" rather than "at."  I'm thankful for all that is known.  And not.  I'd rather move to C. Springs than to the L.A. area if we move west.

Expanding

Some times God may deny us what we most want--or expect--in order to give us what we most need.

Garry and I had discussed options we might explore once he had put in his twenty years, and plans we would need to make for the intervening years.  At that time, I was working part time, and he had been with his employer more than fifteen years--almost sixteen.

Those anticipated years proved to be months.  The day before our fourth wedding anniversary, Garry told me changes were under way which included phasing out his department by year's end.  Department meant his position.  No, no place else for him in the organization.  Sorry, but.

Less than a month after Garry cleaned out his desk, my father died unexpectedly.  For a long time he had encouraged us to strike out on our own, to start a business of our own.  Now that we were going to, before we could tell him, he was gone.

Running our own business did not work out as we had hoped it would, but we did not know what else to do, or what posssible dividends might come later as a consequence of the contacts made or strengthened. 

We ended up living with friends from our church for several months.  (That is a story in itself.  While we were wondering if we should ask them, they were wondering what help they might offer.  It worked out as only God could cause it to.  We joined their family the weekend of our fifth wedding anniversary.)

Just when we reached the end of options we could think of, knowing that we could not stay with our friends much longer, Garry was offered a position which could not have been more suitable.  It did not come "out of the blue"; he had been making phone calls to everyone he knew who might either know of some work or have some to offer.  We did not just say, "okay, God, here we are, take care of us"

However, the job was in California.  Southern California.  Near Los Angeles.  We lived in the midwest.  Our roots went deep there: our families, our church, and our lives.  Never had the possibility of moving to California entered in to my/our calculations/plans.  Yet here we are, and gratefully.

What do positive negatives have to do with this?

Not buying a home, as we had been encouraged to do when we first married, meant not having to deal with that when things changed.

Not having let credit purchases get out of hand meant having credit to draw on.  Garry plans and saves rather than acting impulsively.  Being fiscally conservative has proved to be a blessing.  That has not meant we've had no lean times, just no importunate creditors adding to the mix.

Not having children has also meant being more flexible.  They were not in God's design for us. 

Being childless was difficult for a long time.  I dreaded going to a mall during the day and seeing all the moms with their children.  It was hard to go to baby showers for a while.  Even listening to an update of who was expecting and when and how many challenged me.  Obediently, I strove to rejoice with those who rejoiced.

It was through the "Every Woman's Grace" ministry at our church several seasons ago that I came to a place of peace about my childlessness.  I let my hair down with the women at my table one Wednesday.  Even now I am not sure why as it was nothing I had planned to do.  Maybe it was hearing of yet another who was due to give birth any day.  Maybe it was being the only childless woman in the group that day.  Whyever it was, I talked and talked.  Providentially, no one put me in my place or talked in cliches, but all expressed understanding.  In the time which elapsed between that Wednesday and the next, I realized that no having children makes it possible for us to, again, be flexible and available for ministry.  That realization was incredibly freeing for me.

I have not "arrived" but I am aware that being denied what I had most expected or wanted does not mean being denied what I most need.